Our Search for the Tardis!

As you may already know, I am a geek. Our family are geeks. 

And we all love Doctor Who.

So when I recently heard about a Tardis being discovered on a property only hours away, I knew immediately that I would have to try and find this Tardis.

So a couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure (read minor torture!) of driving Miss Teen and her friend to see One Direction in concert. This was to be their first concert without adult supervision, so I brought Mr Moo along for the ride too. 

After a couple of days in Brisbane, exploring the city, we headed home. This Tardis was said to be on a property north west of Ballina, about 1/2 way between Brisbane and home. So we explored.

So off we went, down winding roads, in the middle of nowhere. Possibly getting lost, but all too excited to care. 

After driving for about an hour. We stopped in this little town. The people in the pub stared that "you aren't from around here" stare, as we stretched our legs. 

Then I couldn't get my keys out of the ignition. Then my car wouldn't start! Thankfully, the local mechanic was a lot more friendly and patient, as the reason they keys wouldn't come out and it wouldn't start was so silly, I should have known. My car needs to be in park in order for the keys to come out, and it needs to be running to put it into park, and it needs to be in park to start! 

My car was in Drive still.

Anyway, while I was making a fool of myself, Miss Teen and friend asked around in the 2 or 3 little shops in this incredibly small main street about the Tardis. Eventually, the take away shop owner said "oh yeah, that Doctor who thing!" and had very good directions! 

More driving down roads I probably shouldn't have been driving in my little sedan (definitely 4WD country this was!), but we made it! Guarded by a Dalek, was a life size, beautiful Tardis, in all its blue glory!!

What followed was a lot of silliness as we all posed with our new discovered Tardis, and dreamed of it being REAL!!

I remember once, not so long ago, that I would have never done this sort of impromptu exploring. I was always so rushed, in a hurry to get home, do chores, get to work, get home.....go go go.....

Slowly I am learning. Kids are only kids for a little while. All too soon they are grown up and ready to leave home. Sometimes its ok to stop the rushing, and just have fun. Be a bit silly. Explore. 

Without breaking down. Or getting lost. 

This was just lots of fun! 

I'm the Mum of THAT child

You know the child I mean. The one that runs wildly through the shopping centre, with no regard for other people. The child whose tantrum over the fact I've sat her in the trolley can be heard for miles. The child who seems unperturbed by her mother trying to keep calm and not cry while talking to her, trying her absolute best to control her and make her understand what she is doing, her behaviour, is simply not socially acceptable.

Yes, I said her. People look more, I think, because she's a girl. They pay more attention, stare. Normally THAT child is a boy, and a boy, well you can write their behaviour off. "Boys will be boys" "oh maybe he has autism or a behavioural issue". Apparently girls don't suffer from these things. They are automatically well behaved, they don't "get" autism or behavioural issues, they don't "suffer" from sensory processing difficulties. 

Except when they do.

My little wild child. My Mini Miss. My princess who marches to her very own beat. My smart clever little girl who almost has a photographic memory. She is THAT child.

Today I took the first step. I've known for a while she has difficulties. Today we got a referral to a pediatrician and I made the appointment immediately as I knew it would take time to get in to see him.

 

➡️ She cannot tolerate loud noises and will cover her ears and curl up into a ball, squinting her eyes shut too, as if that will help further block it out. 

➡️ She hates you touching her head and the only way to brush her hair is to completely immerse her in something else so she barely notices. She also hates clothes. 

➡️ She barely eats and will literally gag when food she doesn't know touches her mouth. Literally I can get her to eat Ham, Cheese slices, chicken nuggets, Vegemite sandwiches, and occasionally apples and strawberries. That is mainly what her diet consists of, with maybe 1-2 other things very occasionally. But never anything she hasn't had before. 

➡️ Don't attempt to make eye contact with her. She will simply roll her eyes in every other direction and if you try and force her, she simply closes her eyes.

➡️ Meltdowns occur over the littlest things, such as playing the Frozen soundtrack on random instead of "from the ice song, the first song", or not saying hello to the camels when we pass them in their paddock, and a major tantrum can last hours. And you can't comfort her, she will push you away and scream more.

➡️ Repetition. The same games over and over. The same song has to be listened to over and over and over again. If you change it....meltdown.

➡️ Knowledge rules her life, if we want that life to be calm. She wakes up each morning and asks "what's our day mummy?" Which means, what day is it and what are we doing. She needs that run down on what to expect. She knows what regular activities happen on what days. If those activities don't happen, there has to be a good reason. The first week after swimming went on break for summer holidays we had a meltdown as she "needed" to be at her lesson.

There is so much more, but you get the idea.

On the up side, she is so smart. At 3.5 we are doing pre reading and simple sight words. She can count to 20, and back down, she can count by 10's to 100. She knows all her shapes, including 3d shapes, and all her colours. She has a facination with Egypt and can rattle off facts about pyramids and mummies and the river Nile. She also LOVES space & learning about the planets, stars & moons.

So I am THAT mother of THAT child. I'm not sure if she has a medical or behavioural problem. If she has a sensory processing problem. Or if maybe, she's just one of a kind.

But I do know she doesn't react like other kids her age. She's not naughty, at least not on purpose (most of the time. She can be purposely defiant at times too, like your typical threenager!) When she does finally realise what she did was wrong, and sometimes it takes a LONG time for her to get it, she is so full of remorse, it's almost like a depression at times. 

So the next time you see a mother with a "wild" toddler, one who seems out of control, stop and think. Does that mother look exhausted? Does she look like she is trying her utmost to control this little bundle of energy? Does her child look like he, or she, is behaving this way on purpose, to be naughty? Does that mother ther look like she loves her child even though they seem possessed? 

Maybe don't be so quick to judge. Don't be so quick to say something nasty, or tell that mother about "back in your day". It's not helpful. Maybe instead try to feel some empathy. Give that mother a gentle understanding smile instead and go about your day. After all, this one interruption will only be a small part of it.

Chances are her child simply doesn't fit "the norm". And in a society where we are all taught a certain way, expected to act a certain way, when you don't fit the norm things are harder. Harder to teach, harder to fit in, harder to "control". It's not bad, it's not wrong, it's simply different. 

And in a world where we are trying to be accepting and tolerant of others religious and cultural differences, just maybe we should offer this same tolerance to THAT mother and her child. 

Chances are they are both doing the best they can.

And it's back....

Sometimes things can be going along fabulously. My emotions are stable, I'm coping with things, decisions about the future have been made and I am happy with them, the house is running smoothly, the kids are happy. My medication balance is perfect. I am genuinely happy.

BANG! 

Just like that the dark passenger (yes, I do love some Dexter - thankfully though I'm not a serial killer) that is my depression, my anxiety slams me. No reason. No rhyme. No cause. Just like that. 

Suddenly EVERYTHING is harder. I feel like I'm moving through knee deep mud. I have to force my body to move. In my head it's like there's a thick fog, my thoughts are slow, I can't find the right words. I can't remember appointments, tasks, errands, to eat or drink. I write messages but forget to send them. I pick up the phone to call someone only to be overwhelmed with anxiety & then can't remember who I was calling. My emotions are like a roller coaster on steroids. One second I'm fine, the next I'm angry or crying. I can stand apart from myself and think "what the hell are you doing?!!" 

But I can't stop it, I can't control it.

2 years ago I saw a behavioural psychologist. She taught me all these great techniques for handling emotions, mood swings, my dark passenger. Unfortunately most of the time they don't work. Why? Because they all work on the idea you can feel it coming, the darkness, the anxiety, the wave of uncontrollable emotion. 

But I can't. 

They work on the premise that you can learn your triggers. 

But mine literally change every time. One thing that was fine yesterday will set me off today. The thing that set me off last week, that's fine now.

I fight it, the darkness. I use her techniques whenever I can. I force myself through the mud and sludge of each day. I smile at the funny stuff, "im fine" is my motto. I take care of the kids, battle with the housework. I hibernate & avoid people as much as I can because pretending is exhausting. I sleep. A lot. 

I can feel the dark passenger pulling me down. I know I'm not at the bottom yet, but I don't know where the bottom is this time. 

And I hate it. I can see what it does to my family. I shut down all but the essential parts of myself. My kids don't have their full functioning mother, just the one that can tend to their needs one at a time. My husband has lost his wife replaced by this empty shell of a person. 

And I'm scared. I'm scared this time it will be so far down, that I can't climb back out. That I will lose myself, my family, my friends. Forever this time.

Capture Life - Day 2

Which is your favourite chair in the house & why?

Our lounge is my favourite spot. For sitting it has the perfect view of the tv, has the lamp for reading, the nice wide arm to hold the all important coffee cup. If I'm laying then this lounge is the perfect nap place. Warm & comfy, right under the air con of its hot. Perfect.

Now I feel a bit like Sheldon 😃

And today's moments to remember 

# laying in bed with my beautiful boy as I was feeling awful. His smiles & placid nature made me smile despite my migraine. 

# Worship practice tonight. I always come home feeling lighter, happier, when I have been in our church, when I have sung praise, even if it's more relaxed & casual, God knows I always sing from my heart.

# My family working together on our property today to clean things up. All hands on deck from my Dad to Mini Miss & our foreman Mr Moo! Even our dog Jasper was into the clearing! Doing things as a family, even hot sweaty hard work makes me smile.

How was your day? Do you have a special chair in your house? A special memory that makes you smile today? 

Life Captured - Day 1

Describe a moment from today you want to remember always.

At this time of year, life is fast paced. Everything is rushed, stress levels are high. All for good reason. You want your family to have the best christmas possible. In all that, it's easy to forget to appreciate the little things, the moments that made you smile. I saw this challenge going around the blogging community and decided to play along for December. A short quick post, maybe with a picture if it's captured, of a moment that made me smile, a positive. Something to remember. 

So here it goes....

# Coffee with a beautiful friend who I love. We have only been friends a couple of months, but already she has made a big impact on my life & I can tell she is a "forever friend"

# managing to shop with both little people without a tantrum or any real crying & they even stayed in the trolley. A pure miracle & a blissful (rare) shopping experience! 

 

# 3am smiles from Mr Moo, who wanted to have a conversation rather than sleep. Even though I was exhausted, his little face always makes me smile.

So what do say? Would you like to join me? Even just once a week, share a moment that made you smile. Leave a comment here or on my Facebook page. I'd love to hear your stories.

A Little Bit of Christmas Love Giveaway

Soooooo.....

If you are following me on Facebook or Instagram then you will already be aware I am VERY excited for Christmas!

I just LOVE the anticipation, the build up as my kids (including the Big Man Kid) try to guess what they are getting, while they count down the days. Watching the excitement build as shops fill with decorations, Santa arrives at shopping centres, telling Santa what we want.....

And then Christmas morning....the closeness, the casual comfortable air of happiness and excitement as wrapping paper piles up....

Yeah, I LOVE it!

And so I want to share my love of Christmas by giving a lucky reader, or 2, the chance to get a present from me!

I LOVE the Bikini Cookbooks. They are the books I use to menu plan each week. Each meal is around 300 calories per serve, making it perfect for losing weight or just some serious healthy eating. 

Michelle often shares sample recipes on her Facebook Page, so its worth heading over and having a look there too!

So, to share my love of these books, I have not 1 but 2 to give away! 

The Snack book has to be one of my favourite to date, with loads of snack ideas, both savoury and sweet. There are lots of finger food ideas for parties or kids afternoon snacks. And so, with Michelles approval, I am giving 2 of these books away!

So all you have to do is....

1. Follow or subscribe my blog if you don't already. I am hoping to boost my numbers in the new year. 

It has been pretty quiet this year, but I am hoping to have weekly posts on things like kids activities, weight loss motivation, PND, dealing with depression & anxiety, and my general observations of motherhood. Hopefully a few laughs as well as a few tears along the way. Also, more giveaways!

2. Like my facebook page. This is my main source of communication, where I do actually post daily! 

3. Share my competition with your friends.

Thats it. Simple.

COMPETITION RUNS FROM 2.30PM 20/11/2014 - 8PM 30/11/2014.

ONE ENTRY PER PERSON ONLY.

 (Please note. This is NOT a paid giveaway. I bought these books and asked permission from Michelle to give them away. Nor is this competition connected to Facebook in any way)

UPDATE: You can now also enter via Instagram. Go to my Muddled Mum instagram account, share the post & tag me in the share to go in the draw. 

My Bullet Journal Journey....so far....

After hearing so much Hype on various other Mum blogger facebook pages about this "Bullet Journalling", I thought I should give it a go.

Don't have any idea what a Bullet Journal is? Check out the Website or this VIDEO.

The basic idea is that you use a journal to record your everyday events, similar to a diary, but with the flexibility to add the things YOU need, with plenty of room to write up whatever it is you need to add. 

I guess you could say its a planner and basic journal all in one.

I do have a smart phone, and no doubt there are hundreds of apps out there for this exact purpose, however, when it comes to this sort of thing, having it on actual paper, the actual act of sitting down and planning out my week, and then recording my day, on paper, helps to not only cement in my head what is happening, but helps me focus.

I bought a simple journal from Officeworks (THIS is the journal I chose). 

I wanted something nice looking, small enough to carry with me, and relatively inexpensive, at least while I trialed the system. Now I know it works well for me, when I need to get a new journal, I may spend a little more and get an even nicer one! 

The basic bullet system doesn't use colour, but I find the use of colour motivating, helps me focus and see instantly what is important. So I use a 4 colour pen, keeping the most important things in red, next most important in green, then daily tasks, regular appointments etc in black or blue. 

One of the important parts of bullet journal is the BULLETS, using symbols to signify what the task/appointment/note is for. These you can personalise to your own use. These are mine at the moment, although I am still refining my journal. Once finalised, this will be stuck to the inside page of my journal as a reference.

Then there is a Index Page. This helps you to find certain information if you need to go back over something. I number each page as I go, so if I do a major stuff up, I can rip that page out and start again! Eventually, at the end of my diary, I will have simple reference lists such as birthdays and anniversaries, long term goals, renovation ideas, etc.

Next in my journal is my 2 of my most important lists, daily and weekly tasks. As a stay at home mum with 3 kids, husband and my Dad all living under the same roof, organisation is important, so these 2 lists are part of my everyday.

Then comes your monthly planner. I have a little calendar at the front of each month, where I can write in appointments, birthdays, etc for the whole month. Then on the opposite page I have a monthly To Do List. This list is bigger tasks that I want to accomplish this month. As September was my spring cleaning month (post on that to come!) a lot of my tasks for September were de cluttering type tasks.

With the next section, I have trialed a few different ways, but the one I have settled on works well for me. Basically, the idea is to have a daily journal, something like a quick fire reference of each day. Whether its a page long, or just a couple of lines, then when that day is done you rule off and start the next day. The problem I found with this is I like to plan my whole week on a Sunday night, so I had to section, put a reasonable space limit on each day so I could map out my whole week. This, in the end, is what works well for me.

2 days to a page, with plenty of room for planned things, then a quick summary of each day, things I may have done that I didn't plan, a summary of the day. There are plenty of ways you can do this daily part. Check out my Pinterest Board to search other bloggers ideas. 

I plan on adding to this journal as time goes on. I want to have a menu planner included in it, rather than having it as a separate document. I also want to include a symptom tracker, so I can track the progress of my disease and the symptoms it presents. This will be useful to show my specialists in the future. They will be able to see not only the symptoms, but how busy or quiet my day has been, and eventually even maybe a food diary, so we can see if any foods cause a flare of certain symptoms. 

So, after a month of using this system, what do I think?

I love it. 

I chose to do this last week without filling out the journal, just to see how I managed and have to say, with all honesty, that I am much more organised, focused and on task using the diary. The process of sitting down for 30 mins on a Sunday planning my week, then for 5-10 mins each night to fill in what wasn't planned but did get done, really helps me be more organised. I love that there is so much flexibility in this system. Just take the basic idea and make it work for you. 

I will keep refining, and after Christmas, I will again review it. I will see if I am still sticking with it, or if the wheels fell off, and if so, how I have managed to stay on top of everything (if, in fact, I have managed to stay on top!).

I also have a bit of an idea on how to get our weekly menus, a food diary and a symptom tracker all organised and connected, and will give it a go, using my Christmas planner. Being such a big time of year, and big financial burden, and a major social and family time, I want to be prepared, and so I am following Organised Home Challenges and getting all the tips and ideas on how to prepare for the big day! Check out their page and give that thumbs up a click! One of many pages I use as inspiration.

How do you organise your family, you house and your life? Do you have a fail proof method, a tried and tested method? Please, feel free to share it in the comments below! I am always looking for ways to improve and save time! 

Birth Story of number 3!!

So its time to come in, do some spring cleaning, blow away the cobwebs and the tumbleweeds of this blog.....

AND DO SOME WRITING!!!

First up, seeing as its a very recent and still very much a part of my life, is my birth story for baby number 3!

Mr Moo is now 7 weeks old! How time flies in a blur of sleepless nights, endless nappies, sterilising bottles and constant reminders for Mini Miss to "be gentle".....As well as the running of the rest of the family who need to all know they are still loved and important!! 

So Mr Moo was a planned C-section for medical reasons. If you have read my blog or my Facebook page, you will know that Mr Moo's pregnancy was very High Risk. That, plus the fact that I had already had 2 c-sections meant there was no possibility that I could have a natural birth. 

I am sad about that? Yes. And no. Yes, I REALLY wanted to experience child birth in all its glory. I wanted to bring a baby into the world as God intended. But, had I done that there was a very good chance my babies, and I, would not be here to tell the tale. At the end of the day, regardless of how they arrive, as long as you and your baby are healthy, that's all that really matters.

So here it is....

We headed into the hospital mid morning, having spent the morning doing last minute packing and cleaning, making sure car seats are in, making sure Mini Miss was set and ready for an extended visit with her Gran & Pa. We arrived and were settled into the bed that would be mine for the next few days. I was happy to see that A) my room, which was a shared room, was empty & B) I had a new bed, which was surprisingly comfortable for a hospital bed! It is, afterall, the little things when you are trying not to focus on what is about to happen.

I have a fear of needles. To say I freaked out during Mini Miss's delivery would be an understatement. I was a mess of tears, snot and puffy face by the time they got the Epidural in. It took almost an hour as I was that distraught. I was so sedated during her delivery that it is foggy to say the least, but at least, unlike Miss Teen's delivery, where I was under a general, I was present. I heard her cry. I kissed her and touched her and held her in recovery. 

So, I was anxious, but I was suppressing it. Fake it til you make it style. 

I was also anxious, that like Mini Miss, my surgery would be postponed and I would have to wait until the next day. I didn't want that. Mr Moo's delivery date was already too close to the date of my friends beautiful angel, being just the day before. I wanted to keep that date as HERS. Its Melinda's day, and I didn't want my baby to share that. I was uncomfortably pregnant, my disease was already starting to flare up badly. I needed him OUT!! ASAP!! 

My midwife came in, told me I was first up, which gave me some relief on the whole waiting thing. Then without waiting she started to prep me. No need for details on this part, but there is changing of clothes and sheets, and shaving that all occurs. As a mother, there is  no such thing as modesty. As well as checking on bub to make sure all is well, and to check on me too.

Then my Obstetrician came in to check on me, assure me I was first cab off the rank and then he was off to getting ready. He also asked if I wanted my tubes tied. Yes, I HAD wanted that, but put on the spot like that, having not discussed all the ins and outs of the surgery and the recovery, I panicked and said no. Duh! I could be all sewn up and no longer having to think about the dreaded BIRTH CONTROL, but oh no, panicky me stepped in and foiled THAT plan....sigh.....

Then, as Hubby and I were relaxing (me = Faking it still) suddenly my midwife was there, as was the orderly, and we were off and rolling down the hallway to surgery. We reached the point where Hubby had get dressed into scrubs and wait, and I was whisked away. Away from Hubby, the panic rose like bile in my throat, but I swallowed it. Told it to bugger off. I was NOT having the experience spoiled! This is it. I don't get to do this again! I want to be present. I want to enjoy it as much as it is possible to have your insides cut open while awake!

Then I was in pre op, having drips inserted, catheter, and being talked through my procedure and being asked the same questions a thousand times over. 

I love that part. Your name, date of birth, allergies, blah blah blah....every single person who comes into some sort of contact with during this stage asks the same questions. I mean, I get the need to be careful and make sure you have the right person for the right surgery, but really, I had a huge moving on its own belly, its not like I'm there for a eye surgery! 

I guess I didn't want THIS to happen!

Then suddenly I was in theatre, sitting there, cold liquid, possibly ice (no, not really, but that antiseptic feels like its been in the freezer!) being rubbed roughly on my back and dribbling down, lots of plastic blue plastic being stuck on my back. My midwife was holding me and making me focus on her as the local was administered. Then once it was working, I had a spinal block. 

Unlike the last time, I was calm. I didn't cry. I didn't panic. Fake it til you make it had worked. I had made it! The spinal went in first time this time, with minimal discomfort. I was almost beaming with pride at myself. I'm not sure how many expectant mums look or sound as happy as I did once that was all done, but I was just short of euphoric and I was getting a few weird looks! 

Within minutes, Muddled Hubby was by my side, my Obstetrician was there and we were on.

I could give you a graphic description, but I'll keep it simple. A spinal block numbs all the PAIN, but not ALL sensation. So I could "feel" pulling and tugging. But it didn't bother me at all. I could hear snipping, I could hear the Doctors chatting away, happily, calmly. Not like last time at all. Relaxed, calm, waiting.....I remember smiling at Hubby. I remember talking to him about nothing in particular. Then suddenly I heard a doctors mention forceps, and I focused. One of the doctors poked her head over the lovely green screen that prevents me having to SEE what they are doing, and said "ok, I'm going to push hard on the top of your stomach in a minute. It will feel uncomfortable, but this is how we deliver your baby".

Ok, this is it. I look at Hubby. I already have tears in my eyes. Prepared for that wave of emotion. I feel the push, I feel the rush of fluid, or whatever it is that happens then more pulling as he didn't want to come out! 

Then that cry. That little Waaaah.

And the wave of emotion. The tearful look at hubby, whispers of "we did it" and other inconsequential phrases that mean "he is here and he is safe". Then Hubby gives me that look that is torn, I want to stay with you, my wife, the mother of my child, my son, and just love you, but I also want to go and see him, our son, I want to hold him. I whisper "go, go to him honey" and I lay there alone in that quiet moment as they clean him up, do their initial tests, with Hubby hovering, probably in their way. 

In that moment so many thoughts cross my mind. I'm relieved. Relieved that he is here, that he is safe and presumably healthy. I think over and over, with more than a little disbelief "I have a son". I think of my friend Kath, of her angel Melinda, I think of my friend Kathy, fighting so so hard just to experience this feeling once. 

As the Doctors continue to clean me up and stitch, or this time, staple me back together (the click click of the staple gun was a little weird!), I meet my little boy, face to face. I can't hold him as both my arms have drips and monitors of all sorts attached, but I can kiss him. I can smell his newborn smell, I can look into his eyes and know, without a doubt, that my life, my family, is complete. That this little life right here in front of me completes my lifes purpose. I have born all the lives into this world I was meant to. 

Master Thomas, Mr Moo to my blog from now on, was born on 16 July 2014 at 2.14pm. He was a healthy 3.8kg (8p7), and 49cms long. 

We were whisked off into recovery. This time there were no nurses fighting to treat me. My heart was strong and calm, so recovery nurses were working WITH the midwife. I got to hold him, feed him, to lay there and just soak him in while they did whatever it was that they did. To be honest, I wasn't really aware anyone other than myself and Thomas were there. Not even Hubby. Although I spoke to them, did as I was told and let them do things, all I could see was my baby. 

His blood sugar, a worry given I had Gestational Diabetes, was fine, so I got to hold him all the way back to the ward. Eventually though, his levels dropped a bit and he was whisked away to special care for monitoring and some top up feeds. I knew that would happen, so while I was heartbroken, I wasn't surprised. 

Unlike previous deliveries, I wasn't taken to ICU. I was stable and well enough to go straight to maternity. This meant he could be brought to me for feeds while I recovered the use of my legs! 

By the next morning I was busting to get up and moving and have my baby with me. By lunchtime I was moving around, painfully, but moving enough that he could be brought to me. 

Our stay in hospital wasn't all a breeze. I got a migraine 24 hours after my surgery. As yet, it hasn't completely gone. Doctors aren't sure why. Also, 2 days after surgery, I fainted. Something I have never done. I am still suffering nasty dizzy spells, and have almost fainted again a number of times. Again, there is no obvious reason as to why.

But other than those couple of complications, we are well. We are all settling in well. Mr Moo is a pretty good night sleeper, days are a mess, but nights are good. 

Mr Moo 6 weeks

Mini Miss has a lot of jealousy issues, but we are working on that. She LOVES her little brother so much that I don't doubt her jealousy will diminish over time. She loves it when he is awake and alert and he only has eyes for her when she is in the room! 


Miss Teen is absolutely smitten with her "little bro", although as soon as he cries, she is happy to hand him back! But is also happy to be an extra set of hands when she is needed. Looking at electives for school next year, she said "well, I don't have to do Early Childhood as it covers how to look after babies and toddlers. I think I have that covered"! 





So thats our story. Unlike the previous 2, not full of drama and danger, as all deliveries should be. 

And given it is our last baby, I am incredibly grateful for that. 

Miss Teen, Mr Moo & Mini Miss

Slow Cooked Roast Beef with Mushroom and Red Wine Gravy

I had this lovely Beef Topside Roast, and had no idea what to do with it.

I have never really been a roast cooker. I always found it intimidating, and my Mum was such great cook and roast was her specialty. So I avoided them. I let Muddled Hubby cook them from time to time, and he is a great cook too, but not me.

I decided to tackle this head on. Take my Slow Cooker Challenge to the next level and do a Slow Cooked Roast.

I started exploring for a recipe I knew the family would like. I searched my favourite Facebook pages, my favourite websites, then more widely, google. Nothing. Nothing jumped out at me and said "THIS is your recipe". So I decided since I was tackling a roast, I may as well tackle the idea of creating my own recipe!

I know, from past casseroles and meals that red wine and mushrooms make a good base, so, without further rambling on my part, here is my VERY FIRST own recipe creation!!

Slow Cooked Roast Beef with Mushroom and Red Wine

Topside Roast around 1.2kg 

1 cup beef stock (I made my stock stronger than normal, using 1 1/2 times the amount of stock powder for a stronger flavour)

1/4-1/2 cup Red Wine. (I used 1/2 cup and found it a little too much, but its a personal thing!)

1 tin crushed tomatoes

1 brown onion sliced into rings

2 tsp oregano

2 tsp coriander

2-3 tsp crushed garlic

1 tsp basil

1 tsp paprika

2/3 cup mushrooms

Sauce 

1/2 the juices in the slow cooker

4 heaped tsp of beef gravy powder

2 tbs corn flour

Line base of slow cooker with onion rings and place roast on top.

Coat with spices. You could add more or less, depending on how strong you like your flavours to be.

Add crushed tomatoes, red wine and the beef stock.

Cook on high for 3 hours. Turn meat over and cook for a further 2 hours on high. 

Remove approx 1/2 the liquid in the cooker. The liquid will increase during cooking time due to the moisture in the slow cooker. Once liquid is removed, add mushrooms and cook for a further hour.

Remove meat and allow to rest while making gravy

Using remaining juices in the slow cooker, add gravy powder and corn flour and whisk until thick and creamy. Add more corn flour if needed.

Serve with oven roasted vegetables.

Hopefully your family enjoys as much as mine did! 

Slow Cook Gooey Chocolate Self Saucing Pudding

So, this is one I tried last week, but haven't had the time to post! 

I was a little skeptical. Having never used my slow cooker for anything other than stews and soups, I was unsure about the idea of cooking a cake/pudding/dessert type dish in it. 

Turns out, it is a fabulous idea! It was delicious, moist, and as promised Gooey. And for this pregnant lady who LOVES chocolate...it completely hit the spot. The only reason it hasn't been cooked again is time and a lack of slow cookers. I used to think having more than 1 cooker that slow cooks a meal was crazy....I now understand why people not only WANT, but NEED more than one in their kitchen!!

Slow Cooked Gooey Chocolate Self Saucing Pudding

1 Cup Self Raising Flour

1/3 cup caster sugar

2 tbs cocoa

1/2 cup milk

2 tbs butter melted

1 tsp vanilla essence

1/2 cup chopped nuts (I used pecans)

1/4 cup dark chocolate chips

sauce 

3/4 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup cocoa

1 1/2 cups boiling water

lightly grease and preheat slow cooker

Combine flour, cocoa and sugar in a bowl. Add milk, butter and vanilla essence and stir to combine. Add nuts and choc chips and mix.

Pour into slow cooker and spread evenly.

In a separate heatproof container, combine boiling water, cocoa and sugar and until dissolved and completely combined. Very carefully pour slowly and evenly over the top of the cake mix in the slow cooker. Cake mix will likely rise as you add liquid, just continue to add slowly.

Cook on high for 2-3 hours. Then turn off and leave in cooker with lid on until ready to serve. 

Serve with ice cream or fresh whipped cream.

Once again, this recipe was tweaked from a recipe at Slow Cooker Recipes 4 Families.

This recipe is NOT healthy, but it is DELICIOUS! 

And honestly, we all deserve to live a little once in a while!!

Slow Cook Sweet and Sour Pork

So, after a crazy hectic week of accidents, miserable toddlers and organising and running the worst garage sale in history (thanks ever so much RAIN!) it was finally time to pull out the slow cooker again. 

A spur of the moment decision saw me throwing pork into the microwave to defrost while i searched for a good recipe the whole family would enjoy. I don't like cooking frozen meat in the slow cooker, although I have been assured it is fine to do, I feel more comfortable, and find its a much better flavour if I brown meat first.

Jumping onto my favourite Facebook group Slow Cooker Recipes 4 Families, I searched the Pork section and stopped as soon as i saw Sweet and Sour Pork. This is one of Muddled Hubby's favourites. Could I slow cook it? Could I cook it from scratch, having never tried before? Only one way to find out! 

On checking the recipe I was short on the amount of meat, and didn't have the vegetables recommended, but that didn't stop me! I used mushrooms to fill out the meat portion of the meal, and just what vegetables I had in the fridge. Having never attempted this before from scratch, I stuck to the basic sauce recipe.

So, without further ado, here it is!

Sweet and Sour Pork

500 grams pork (I used diced heart smart pork)

10-12 mushrooms

2 carrots

1 zucchini

1 tin corn

1 tin unsweetened pineapple pieces, or crushed pineapple, with the juice.

3 tbs brown sugar

1 tsp crushed ginger

1 tsp crushed garlic

1/4 cup white vinegar

3 tbs Soy Sauce

200 grams raw cashews

1 tbs corn flour

2-3 tsp herbs for flavour (I used garlic and herb salt & mixed herbs)

Turn slow cooker on high to preheat.

In a bag mix corn flour and dry herbs and coat pork pieces. Use a small amount of oil (olive oil for us, but you could also use Sesame Oil) to brown meat lightly. 

Put meat and veg in pan, add vegetables and then corn, pineapple, sugar, ginger, garlic, vinegar and soy sauce and stir to combine. 

Cook on high for 1-2 hours, and then on low for a further 4-5 hours. I put cashews in in the last hour of cooking and left the lid off to reduce liquid and let sauce thicken a little.

Serve with rice.

Easy and delicious!! 

If you have Facebook, head over and like my Page.

Also, if you love a good slow cooker meal, check out the Slow Cooker Recipes 4 Families group. So many good recipes in there worth trying!! 

Please note: no one is paying or asking me to promote this group or any of the recipes. These are just my own experiences of what I have found to be a valuable resource for our family, that I thought I would share. Over coming weeks you will also get to see recipes from Taste.com and the Bikini Cookbook range that I tweak to suit our family.

Mini Miss's Accident - Keeping It Real - Mummy Guilt

So I am not the worlds best parent. I know this, I am fine with this. I love my children more than anything in the world and I do the absolute best I can to love them, provide for them....and keep them safe. 

Sadly though, kids will be kids, and sometimes they have accidents. While our attention is elsewhere, even if just for a minute, they do something silly, and it results in a trip to emergency.

Last night I was focused on getting dinner served. Mini Miss was tired, beyond tired. Muddled Hubby was out, and so I was doing the evening routine by myself, and to be honest, I was feeling pretty cocky. I was feeling pretty good. Mini Miss was bathed, pj's on, housework all done, dinner was ready. I was in control. I was trying to take photos for my latest Slow Cooker meal and get dinner served, so I could put a VERY tired Mini Miss to bed.

Earlier yesterday, Mini Miss had had a complete meltdown. After swimming lessons, a trip to the library, coming home reading ALL the books we borrowed, and having lunch together, she had a tantrum about the fact that I wasn't paying enough attention to her! I wasn't playing with her. I told her, several times, that I love playing with her, but it was time for Mummy to do her jobs. I managed to involve her in getting dinner organised, and we baked together. Still, she was cranky that I wouldn't stop working on housework and just play with her. 

At the time I was annoyed. I felt like I had given her plenty of my precious time and she needed to accept that I had other things to do to....Little did I know that last night, this feeling, these encounters, would haunt me all night.

So, while trying to get dinner on the table, Mini Miss was again demanding my attention, but I brushed her off, only half listening to her request, which I now know was to watch a DVD. So, being 3 and determined to have her way, she climbed up on the arm of our lounge and reached over to the DVD cabinet to reach the DVD she so desperately wanted. 

Unfortunately, she can't really reach the DVD cabinet, and she fell. Face first, onto the tiles. Her tooth went through her lip. 



She is always climbing and standing on the arm of the lounge, so, although I could see in my peripheral that she was up there, my brain, focused on other things, ignored it. I didn't see her fall, I only heard the thump....followed by momentary silence, and then this awful wail. This was no ordinary Mini Miss cry, this was I am in serious pain cry. 

I dropped everything to go to her, and picked her up, and immediately got covered in blood. It was everywhere. Its amazing so much blood can come from one little lip. As I tried to clear my brain from the panic welling up inside, I carried her to the kitchen, grabbed a washer and started cleaning her up while cuddling and I think I was attempting to mutter some useless words of reassurance.

It stopped bleeding pretty quickly and initially I thought, "oh its not so bad", then she coughed and opened her mouth, and it too was full of blood. I realised the cut was a lot deeper than I first thought, as I could see it inside as well. 

Thankfully Miss Teen was home and held ice to her mouth and cuddled her while I shut up the house, got dressed (I had had my shower too, and therefore was wandering around with pants...what?! Pants are totally overrated if home alone!)

On our way to the hospital I let Muddled Hubby know what had happened and arranged to meet him at the hospital. We got there just after several (5!!) ambulances arrived within a few minutes of each other, all with accident victims and critically ill patients. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but it was so much worse than anticipated.

On seeing the Doctor, it was ascertained she would need stitches to close and realign the 2 edges of her lip. In normal, situations they would sedate a toddler, give them a twilight anesthetic. Sadly though, ER was operating at a dangerous level, no staff, no beds, and it was going to be a VERY long wait. We were left with the option of wrapping our baby girl up, giving her several shots of local anesthetic around the wound (have you ever had a local?! They sting like crazy, and her mouth was already painful!) and then stitching it up while she was awake and aware of what was happening. 

To say she screamed through the whole ordeal would be an understatement. She was terrified, in pain and it hurt. And here we were, her parents, the Dr and nurse she trusted to help her, all holding her down and inflicting this horrible scary pain on her. I felt sick. I wanted to scream at everyone to let my baby go. To wrap her up and protect her. To turn back time and NOT let the accident happen in the first place. To cut my lip and have the stitches in her place....anything to stop what she was going through. Reality is it was over within 10 minutes, but it felt like hours. 

I felt guilty. Guilty that she had hurt herself so badly in her own Mothers care. Guilty that I hadn't been giving her the attention she had been demanding all day, and as a result, she was now in the worst pain she had ever experienced. Guilty that I had been feeling cocky, that I had been thinking I was the WORLDS BEST SUPERMUM for handling everything so well, when in fact THIS had happened.   

I was filled completely with Mummy Guilt. 

That guilt kept me awake all night. It made me kick Muddled Hubby out of our bed in favour of keeping my poor little baby beside me all night. It dug its claws in a little deeper every time she cried out in her sleep, having nightmares about what had happened. I was swimming in it. 

By this morning I was ready to be swept away. I wanted out. I couldn't handle all the feelings, the emotions, the pain and guilt I was feeling. It didn't matter that she woke up sore but happy. It was too late. I wanted out. But somehow, using the little control techniques I have, which includes hanging on tight mentally and emotionally to my husband, I avoided letting it overtake me.  

For someone with mental illness, for me, this is a MAJOR warning sign. I have already seen in the last month or so, the depression and anxiety growing, becoming overwhelming at times. I have been having whole days where I feel like I can't breathe from the anxiety. Days, where that little door to escape reality swings wide open and invites me in. Its the easy choice, to walk through that door. I don't feel anything when I walk through that door. Just calm and peace. It also means though, that I shut down. 

I know I will need to increase my medication as soon as this little man is born. I have made an appointment with the social worker at the hospital, and I will ensure I have a counsellor and or psychologist ready to go should it hit full force and the little mental techniques that I have learnt no longer work.

 

So this experience has been scary. Not only for Mini Miss, who for the record, is almost back to normal, just with a cute speech issue from her swollen lip, but otherwise is happy and full of beans. It was scary for me. It has made me face some things I have been avoiding. 

Its also been good. It made me realise this obsession I have had lately with having a clean and organised house, that level of perfection I expect from myself, is just adding to my stress, to my mental illness. Its time to let it go, and enjoy these last weeks with my little Miss, with my Miss Teen and with my Hubby, because in a few short weeks, our lives will be turned upside down in the most wonderful of ways!