Saturday 20 October 2012

Pre Wedding Jitters and other stuff

The Wedding. Our Wedding. Its just 2 weeks away now. 

Am I excited? Hell yeah! 

Am I nervous? Well.....

Do I want to run screaming to the hills? Um.....

Believe me, its not that I don't WANT to marry Shane. I do. He is, without doubt, the love of my life. He is my soul mate. He understands me like no one else ever has, including myself! 

But, for some reason I have always feared commitment. I figured, when i found "THE ONE", that fear would just disappear. I don't know if that is because it took so damn long to find him, or if I'm just faulty somehow. Or maybe life experience has taught me to expect disappointment and failure, not love and success. Either way, that fear is still in me. 

When I think of our wedding, its a mix of things I see and feel. 

Firstly, I see me happy. Radiant. Sharing the fun of getting ready, all dolled up, hair and make up done, drinking champagne, eating cheese and crackers and laughing. In this romantic vision, everyone is happy and laughing. Then the time comes, I feel that rush of butterflies in my stomach, happy excited nerves, I see Shane and the rest is a blur of blissfulness. If nothing else, movies have taught me this is how a wedding should look and feel!

Then, the logical me kicks in. I see the multitude of tasks we have to do on the day. I see the time constraints and wonder if we can possibly get everything done before its time. I see a screaming Mini Miss, all confused about where she is and why she has to sleep in a strange bed, and why is mummy dressed in that weird dress, and where is daddy, and why do I have to sit still and wear a hair band.....Yeah the list of logical problems with Mini Miss is endless! All I see is endless task lists and I wonder if I will actually get a chance to enjoy any of the blissfulness listed above!

Then panic merchant me steps in. It's not enough to think about the things that HAVE to be done and worry about those. Oh, no, Panic me has to go into the "what ifs". What if my dress doesn't fit on the day? What if the hair and make up people forget? What if the flowers aren't what I wanted? 
What if people don't like the food? What if someone is sick or can't make it? What if the music doesn't work? What if Shane changes his mind? The "what if" list is endless...I keep myself awake at night wondering. I have nightmares over them.

I worry. It's what I do. I worry, that with all my baggage, and with my depression and anxiety, that I am not good enough for Shane. That he deserves better. It's not that I don't love Shane or question whether he loves me. I know he does. I don't doubt it. 

The thing that gets me is, I want the best for Shane. I want to see him happy ALL the time. I want him to feel nothing but love and joy and happiness. I worry that I cannot give him that. I want the best for him, and I question whether the best for him is me. 

So, yes, on our wedding day I will worry. I will wonder, but I will also make a promise. Not only to love him forever. That part is easy. Swearing in front of our friends, and God that I will love him, and only him forever, piece of cake! But I will also promise him to work on being the BEST I can be, get myself right so he can have all the happiness and joy and most importantly LOVE that he deserves. 

To me, THAT is what a wedding is all about. Promising not only to love the person forever, but to do your best to make sure they live a happy fulfilling joyful life. 

Educating Molly

So mini miss is now 18 months old and a very big squishy sponge, soaking up information, even if sometimes its the wrong information. 

An example of wrong information....every time someone burps or passes wind in our house she says "oh mummy!". Um, sorry, but mummy does NOT ever do either of those things....misinformation supplied by Daddy and Big Sis no doubt!

But, she is loving learning about animals. Courtesy of The Wiggles, Molly has quickly learnt that monkeys go "oh oh ah ah" and Elephants go, um *insert trumpet style noise here*, and that tigers go "raaaaa". (don't know this song? I can teach it to you. I can sing it in my sleep)

We have been using flash cards and books to teach other animals. She now can identify by name most animals like: "cow moo" (no, its not just a cow, its a cow moo. She cannot be told otherwise) and "baas" (sheep, again, she cannot be told otherwise). 

One of my favourites to date has to be a "hore". Yes, a "hore". Haven't you heard of them? They go "neeeeeiiighhh". Yes, she has given the horse a very special name all of its own!

Today, mini miss educated me. 

She even used props to demonstrate. She is very clever after all, and I can be a little slow at times. She showed me a chicken. She said "ticken. cock cock". I looked at her puzzled and slightly amused (because there is always a pre teen inside that laughs at words like that). I said "thats a chicken, what does a chicken say?" "cock, cock" was the reply. 

Ok, so no more left over hens night toys for her....she is clearly soaking up a LOT more information than I am ready for!!!!

Sunday 14 October 2012

Confession....I'm an addict.....

So....its time the truth came out. I have an addiction. Its expensive. 

I spend many hours thinking about it, saving up and planning my next purchase. I belong to a group of fellow addicts and dealers, where we support each, tell each others stories, share the next best place get a great score, encourage each other in our habit....

I am a member of the DAA.

I am addicted to buying gorgeous, hand made with love dolls.

I am not talking about just any dolls. These dolls are special. They are beautiful. They are made with love. Their details are exquisite. Each doll is unique and has a special place in my heart. 

I buy all my dolls from Facebook businesses. I am friends with lots of the lovely ladies who make these dolls, so I know the love and care they take in making each and every one. I am in a group with them, where we share our love of dolls, and also our lives. These women are amazing! I count myself lucky to have been invited to join them! 

This addiction started from one doll. Made by Hello Dollies. The page was suggested by a friend in my online mums group. This was my first taste of the beauty that is hand made. Dawn makes lovely dolls that are designed to be played with, loved and cuddled by little ones. Molly adored her and I was instantly hooked!

Hello Dollies, Aingeals Keepsakes, Babes by Little B, Pins and Needles 

                                                            These are ALL Sugar Punkz!

Monkey Hugs, Butterflybelle Boutique, Over the Raindow

This is a hard one....Freckles, Aingeals Keepsakes, Hello Dollies, Monkey Hugs, Lily & Andie Dolls, Little Stuffed Friends, Butterflybelle Boutique, Little Honeypie. 

I now have over 40 dolls. Some are made to play with, but most are art dolls, or dolls designed to be enjoyed with gentle play and displayed for me to enjoy! My favorite pages include Monkey Hugs, Sugar Punkz, Vivibijoux, Aingeals Keepsakes, Misfits and Vagabonds, Butterflybelle Boutique....the list is endless! If you want to know them all I have a list on facebook that is viewable by the public. This list is so I don't miss anything despite Facebooks decision to stop showing most of them in my newsfeed!!!

I love them so much that I even bought one for Shane for his birthday this year (see Wolverine below!)!! Big Miss got one for Easter, as did Mini Miss! We may even see one or two at our wedding in 3 weeks time!!!

The collection on display here is not all of them! I recently got an absolutely stunning Dorothy from Vivibijoux! She came complete with sparkly red shoes! I love her! Also, from The Faraway Tree, we have a gorgeous soft & cuddly & big bear.

Pipers Cuddles, Misfits and Vagabonds, Miss Pollys Dollhouse, Sweet Delilah, Buttonhead Dolls

The sign of a true addict, is despite having plenty, you always want more!

Despite having over 40 dolls, I am not done! I have many doll makers whose gorgeousness I don't yet have! Lesley Jane Dolls in particular is one page I constantly stalk....Trellis Design & Lilliput Loft are some of the others. I am always finding new and beautiful pages to stalk and fall in love with!

I am aware this is a little odd. A grown woman loving dolls as much as I do. But hey, I figure Shane has his DVD's and Sci Fi stuff....I have my dolls. Fair is fair! I also share my dolls with the girls. Big Miss has a small collection on display in her room (generally the punky/goth style ones!), and Mini Miss has a small collection that sleep in her cot with her! 

Monkey Hugs, Missa Made it, The Sweet Shoppe, Oh Sew Bonnie

So thats it. I have confessed.....

Problem is, I have no desire to give up my addiction. I am learning to budget so I can buy the dolls I love, one at a time! I figure as long as our family doesn't go without to feed my addiction, then we are good!

What is your addiction? Or maybe a better term is "passionate collection"!

I have missed some pages, I know I have. If it is yours, I am sorry :( Its not that I dont love your dolls. Its just I have so many, I cant remember where they all came from! Feel free to leave a link below in the comments to your page!!