Back to work

Well, as of Tuesday, I am a working Mum once again. I am facing this with a mixture of emotions: Excitement, Nerves, Fear, Sadness.

Excited to be going back to the job I loved for 6yrs. Excited to be working with some old friends and some new ones. Excited to be an adult, with responsibilities and a paid job to do. Excited to spend a few hours a day with other adults minus the kids!!

Nerves. It's been 15 months. A lot has changed in my work place. I visit regularly, so I know SOME of the changes, but there is plenty still to learn. I have always been one of the "go to" people in my workplace, so I'm nervous knowing that role will have now changed. Nerves that there will be an expectation to perform to the high standard I always have, and that I won't be able to anymore, that I will have "lost my touch" so to speak. Nerves about leaving Shane to deal with Molly and Dad and the household tasks for a couple of days a week.

Fear. So many fears. Fear Molly will despise me for leaving her. Fear that Shane won't be able to handle everything, Molly, Dad, the daily housework and that he will resent me not being there. Fear that he will excel at all of the above, and I will feel useless for occasionally not being able to cope myself!! The biggy - fear of failure.

Sadness. Sad to be leaving my baby, it's that simple.

Now add to all this, the fact that the 12WBT starts in just a week. So not only do I have to go back to work, but also fit in menu planning, shopping, cooking & preparing healthy meals, exercise everyday PLUS all my normal duties as mother, partner & friend. Eek!!! Now THAT IS scary!!

So all that complaining about time management and now I find myself in a situation that, without good time management, I am sure to fail!!!

Fact : I am still crap at a Time Management.

But, I am giving it a go. Michelle Bridges encourages us to use a diary. Plan your days/weeks/months. So, starting with small steps, I have planned this week. Planned dinner menus, scheduled in exercise time each day, made time for the girls for Shane and for friends and for church.

Things like Maddi's dancing & Scouts need to be considered. The need to spend quality time with Molly who is no doubt going to miss me. The need to spend time with Shane as a couple as well as all of us together as a family. The need to ensure that Shane also gets down time, some "me" time to do his own thing....all this needs to be considered, otherwise I face becoming self absorbed in what I need to do and I could end up neglecting those I love.

IT ALL REQUIRES CAREFUL PLANNING.

So hopefully in weeks to come I will be writing a post about how awesome I am!! That I CAN be the super mum I never expected to be!! That's the plan anyhow :)

Commitments

So this weeks challenges I thought were easy. Then I actually looked at them in detail. Turns out, not so easy at all! 


Firstly Gear Up. Sounds easy enough right? Make sure you have everything you need to tackle the exercise program Michelle will throw at us in the coming weeks....But this brought up all sorts of questions...invest in weights, steps, yoga mat, heart rate monitor, exercise DVD's etc, or bite the bullet and join a gym??? I wanted to do all the first stuff. It meant Shane could join in and use the stuff too, I meant I wouldn't have to be away from home, in reality it is cheaper.....BUT....I know myself too well. I know I can buy all the equipment in the world, BUT I have excuses at home. I have housework that needs doing. I have a baby that needs attending too. I have a Dad that needs help. The yard needs tidying....Fact it, NO EXCUSES or not, these things would interfere with my exercise at home. Also, believe it or not, I'm embarrassed to exercise in front of my Dad. Complete strangers, bring it on!!! At home, in front of my Dad, whose opinion continues to mean the world to me? Forget it! My fear of rejection from my Dad, even though this fear is completely foundless, this fear stops me!


So, from the 28th of May I have a membership at a local gym! Thanks to one of my new friends Sonya for the recommendation, they are already fantastic!! I cannot wait to start! The best bit is, if Shane finds a job, he can get a membership too, and when Maddi turns 12, she can come and work out with me once or twice a week! Healthy family here we come!!!


So with Gear Up completed, I faced the next challenge. Say It Out Loud. Again, sounds easy! I have already told people what I am doing. I have even blogged about it for goodness sake...but oh, no....as I am discovering. Each step of this journey is a challenge. A "thing" to overcome. Michelle said not only to tell people, but COMMIT to it!! Those who know me, understand my aversion to this word! I broke up with my lovely fiance 6 months after we started dating because of my fear of this word!! (Thankfully, he was incredibly patient, and waited for me to realise committing to him wasn't as scary as I thought!!). 


So here is this person, making me face all my fears, making me face reality and now she shoves COMMITMENT into my face. This one I have avoided for a few days. Afraid to say the words, afraid of the consequences of this action....but here it is....


I Commit to losing 25kg before my wedding in November. 


I further Commit to jogging 5km by the end of this challenge in August. 


And I am COMMITTED to do the work to get me there!! 

I AM COMMITTED!!!!!!!!!

Take that fear says the brave new me, as she cowers in the corner shaking, but still determined to.......

JFDI!!!!

Preseason Continues

So Michelle continues to attack my thoughts & my mind set. In reality I know what I need to do to lose weight. Eat a low calorie, low fat diet and exercise regularly. The reason I always fail at this is my mind set. My inner voice, my justifications and excuses! 


So we have faced my excuses, and it has been hard. In the last week I still haven't always made the best choices, but at least, rather than thinking "well, that's it, may as well give up", I'm now forcing myself to think "its ok, you made a bad choice, that was YOUR decision, now GET BACK ON TRACK!! JFDI!!" So far, so good!


By the way....JFDI is my new motto....if you don't know what it means, think of the Nike slogan, with an extra kick!!!


Part 2 of the tasks this week was to set goals. When I really sat down and thought about it. Other than lose weight for the wedding, I hadn't given much thought to what I wanted to achieve. So I found this hard. The negative voice in my head, the self sabotaging, fearful voice screamed at me...."why set goals, you always fail" "why should this be any different?" "If you don't have goals, then when you don't succeed again, you won't be as dismally disappointed with the results" SHUT UP STUPID VOICE!!!!!! So, in the quiet time of a Molly nap, I really thought about it. It didn't feel like enough to simply say I was to lose "x" amount of weight by "y" date. I needed more. Michelle insists on 1, 3, 6 & 12 month goals, so once again, to make myself accountable here they are!

• 1 month goal - Lose 1kg per week during preseason

                    - Walk 5km a day 6 days a week

• 3 month goal - lose a total of 15kg for the 12 WBT 

                    - increase walks to 7km a day 6 days a week

• 6 month goal - The first big one - THE WEDDING!! have lost a total of 25kg

                     - walk 10km a day 4-5 days a week

• 12 month goal - Do Relay For Life (at least 100 laps in the 24hrs = about 50km)

                      - have lost 30kg
                      - be pregnant & healthy with baby no 3


and just because....

• 2yr goal - MAINTAIN weight loss & continue with the walking!!!!!!

So, these are my goals, following the SMART rules set out by Michelle. Now you know them, if you see me doing something you think will hamper my efforts and goals, remind me of them!!!!!