our journey so far.....

So we are getting married in just under 10 weeks...not long now....66 days.....

So I thought I would reminiscence on how I met Shane, how our relationship grew and how we got where we are today.....

When I moved to Coffs Harbour in 2007, to me it was the chance for a new start in life. I had lost my Mum, my rock, my best friend and it had left me shaken and unsure. I had had my share of relationships, mostly dodgy, so I saw Coffs as a new beginning. 

For the first nearly 2 years I was busy...I worked full time and was raising Maddi. It turned out that making friends, meeting people, getting out there, especially in Coffs, was HARD! It was harder than on the Central Coast, where I grew up, because I already knew people there to socialise with.

So I decided to give a dating website a go, namely RSVP. I had done this before, and met a nice guy who I dated for about 6 months. I also knew that it involved weeding out the "less than desirables" to find someone special. 

I met up with a few guys, but there was nothing serious, nothing where there was that SPARK. I had decided to cancel my membership to the website. I decided I wasn't meant to find a decent guy, to find my soul mate. I was okay with it. I had made my peace with being single, and I was happy. Happy to raise Maddi by myself, to throw myself into raising her, looking after my Dad and working for a company I loved.

Then, before cancelling, I decided to check the profiles one last time. His profile jumped out at me straight away. He certainly wasn't the type of guy I normally looked at. Sorry honey, but your profile picture was, um, well, more than a little dorky! I sent him a "kiss" which was a way to say, "i'd like to get to know you" He replied with an email, and we started to chat.

I was hesitant. I was happy being on my own, and I could tell he was someone special, and I was scared all of a sudden. Commitment has secretly always scared me for some reason. So, for 2 months we just emailed each other, chatting almost daily. Then it moved to texts. We worked out we worked with a 2 min walking distance from each other, but still I made excuses not to meet face to face. Then, all of a sudden, I caved. We arranged to meet for a coffee at the Coffee Club on August 5 2009.

As soon as we said hello, I knew. I knew he was someone I could easily love forever. Thankfully he felt the same way. I was still very resistant for almost a year I tried to keep it to being just friends. It started getting serious, I broke up with him.

Shane is the most amazing, patient, gentle, caring and loving person. He backed off, but insisted we still be friends, still chat. He came to my birthday party in Jan 2010 and suddenly, plied with a large amount of alcohol I couldn't understand what my problem was....Why was I resisting this amazing guy who clearly WANTED to be with me, was happy to wait while i sorted myself out. Suddenly it was VERY clear I wanted to be with him.

We went away for his birthday that July, then he started spending the weekends at my place, then in August he moved in. The day after he moved in, we found out we were expecting our first baby together. 

I was in heaven, and have been there ever since!! Yes, we go through hard times. I have depression and anxiety, it makes for a sometimes stressful household. But having Shane by my side, a patient, loving man, I feel safe, I feel happy, I feel secure.

We welcomed Molly into our world in April 2011 and in September 2011 we went away for our first family holiday. The first week was spent enjoying time with amazing friends, the second week it was just our little family. Sitting there, our last night, the girls tucked up into bed, at the end of an amazing holiday, just relaxing in each others company.....Shane looked at me and asked me, unexpectedly, "Will you marry me?" Yes, of course....and I cried. I was so so happy!

Since then, the journey has been quick! We have been planning our wedding, raising our girls, getting on with life and its busy, its stressful, its exhausting, its joyous, its happy, its family, its life.

I love it, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm CRAZY!!! here is the proof!!

Ever had a phobia? Like a full on uncontrollable fear? I do!

If you look up phobia in the dictionary it will tell you it means:

"A persistent, abnormal and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it despite the awareness and reassurance that it is not dangerous"

The word that stands out in all that is IRRATIONAL. My phobia is irrational and completely extreme. In fact, its hard for me to so much as type the word that it is!

I am afraid of.........Spiders......

*Does icky girly spider dance for 10 mins*

A lot of people are afraid of spiders I hear you say, so why is my phobia so special? Well, its not the phobia, but the extremity of it.

For example, I cannot and will not kill a spider, because that would mean going somewhere near it! 

If I see a fake spider, even knowing it is fake, I cannot go near it or touch.

Not extreme enough?????

If I am reading a magazine and there is a picture of a spider in it, I will put the magazine down (throw it away wildly) and not read anymore.

Still not enough????

The other day a friend posted a picture of a spider on facebook and I almost dropped my phone. Only a survival instinct stopped that reaction ( I CANNOT live without my phone!) But, for the next hour or so, every time I picked up the phone I had the creepy spider feel in me & had to check that there were no spiders in the various plug in holes on my phone....

*Does icky girly spider dance again*

See, certifiably C.R.A.Z.Y!!!

We're going to the chapel.....

Well....we are 10 weeks out from the BIG day! 

• The wedding party is organised (minus 1 groomsman....& I am not letting that stress me!!)

• The invitations have gone out....(and if everyone comes we won't have enough room to feed them all.....& I am not letting that stress me)

• The outfits have been purchased (unless you are a groomsmen....& I am not letting that stress me!!!)

• Venues, flowers, photographer, videographer, cake, hair and makeup, transport.....all organised (as far as I am aware.....& I am not letting the uncertainty stress me!!)

My sources of information have been a little different to what I expected. I bought a couple of magazines, flipped through them, entered some competitions, then threw them out...they had neither the information nor the inspiration I was looking for.

• Facebook has been a great source of information. 

• Pinterest....ah, Pinterest....where a girls dream becomes an image on the screen, a virtual pinboard.....which I then print and take to various suppliers and expect exactly the same results! Its great to have a visual aid when planning a wedding, that way there is no misunderstanding (thanks to my somewhat vague English at times, this is a good precaution!)

• Websites, endless how to organise your wedding on a budget websites, with images, information, tips.....

• Blogs, also a surprisingly good source of information. Blogs have given me ideas, tips I never thought of, such as making sure there are people actually organised to do all the little "no body thought of it & now its not done" type jobs...

Really it makes sense that I would plan and organise my wedding online. I am a girl of the now, all modern and up to date like..... (bah ha ha!!)

• I met my lovely fiance on RSVP.

• My bridal shower is being held online, through Facebook so I can include my friends both in real life and online, because they are all special to me.

• I plan all my details via email and Facebook messaging.

• I booked our honeymoon and all the fun stuff that goes with that online.

All that's missing really is Shane and I getting married via Skype. Not being actually together at the same place, but simply saying "I do" via video chat. Me walking down the aisle using a virtual person robot. But, really, some things are still much much better in person! How would we do the "you may now kiss the bride"?? Would Shane be kissing the monitor?!!!

So now, all thats left is the finer details. The ceremony, readings, who will read what, music, gifts, who will organise what on the day.....

Vows. Mine are written, (fiance's are not, as far as I am aware....& I am not letting that stress me!!)

I am booking in for facials, massages, manicures and pedicures, organising hens nights (minus my bridesmaids scattered over various parts of the country....& I am not letting that stress me!!) I figure if I plan the nice stuff for the 2 days leading up to the BIG day, I will relax and enjoy it. Who I am kidding?!! I am the biggest stress head known to man...but you cant blame a girl for trying!!  (hence the "I am not letting that stress me" mantra!!)

We still have a couple of surprises in store for our guests...but shhhh, not giving away of secrets now!!!

So the countdown is on......if you could do one thing for us....pray, send positive vibes, good karma, whatever it is you do, that our day will go smoothly and that we & our friends & family, have an enjoyable day (and if they don't.....I will not let that stress me!!!)