To say it was a little depressing is an understatement. Don't get me wrong, I am under no illusions that I'm fit and healthy!! But, when the truth is there in facts and figures, its very confronting!
Sooooo.....my fitness test.
Honestly, I laugh at the term. Really, for me it was a "check the level of your unfitness" test. This test was to was supposed to determine whether you were a beginner, intermediate or advanced exerciser. I KNEW I was a beginner. I just wanted something to test myself against every 4 weeks, to see if I can really improve. The only thing I can say I was proud of was completing the 1km walking/running trial in 10mins 30 seconds. Prior to yesterday my best time was 11mins 40seconds! The rest was testing my core strength (non existent!) and muscle strength (also non existent!). So, surprise of surprises, I am beginner!
Then came the official weigh in, the dreaded "before" photo and measurements.
These things I will not share with you, sorry. I am ashamed and, if I am honest, disgusted with myself. The photo was what really got me. Looking at myself in photo form shocked me. I had no idea it was THAT bad. I will, however, use a photo from my engagement party, which was only a month ago, as a comparison for those following my journey. Nobody needs to see me in a bikini, at least, not yet lol!
It was confronting, and last night I wavered between shock and disgust and depression. I went through all the thoughts, I can't do this, I can't change this, I am so far away from my goal, its impossible, why bother, I am such a failure, I am going to end up just like my mum....I went to bed thinking, there is no way I am going to do this, its too hard, I may as well just not bother.
Then there was the light bulb moment. The only way any of this can change, is if I, thats right I make the changes necessary. Its all up to me! Until this moment, it was almost like I expected everyone else to do the hard work for me. Michelle to write my nutrition and exercise plan, my friends and family to encourage and support me, Shane to push me to do it, my wedding to make me want it.....All of that is great, but at the end of the day, only I can actually do the work needed to make a change.
So I have decided, to keep me encouraged, I will set myself a challenge each month, for the next 3 months. This months challenge is to walk 1km for every like I can get on my status in 24hrs. It won't be easy, but it will be a challenge, it will challenge my health and my thinking. I won't give up, because my friends will be waiting patiently, for the notice on the wall that I have done "their" 1km. Next month, who knows...I am open to suggestions ;D